Every Time You Misgender a Trans Person and We Say 'It's Alright,' It's Not

Nov 15, 2017 12:00:00 AM

by Ash Whipple

Being misgendered feels like getting stabbed in the back, even when people don’t do it on purpose. I’ve learned to live with that pain, it’s something I experience every day, and I will face it for the rest of my life. Some people knew me before I came out, some people have only known me since I have come out and have only been told the correct pronouns. It doesn’t matter when people meet me, nor how many times I correct people, I am always misgendered. Most of the time, I correct people and pull off a small laugh to try to make them feel more comfortable. It’s awkward; it hurts, I hate it. I hate being mistaken for someone I’m not. I am not defined by my chest, my voice, nor anything else that can physically be seen. I am who I say I am, yet it continues to happen, people have an ingrained need to sort people into the gender binary. [pullquote position="right"]Every time I correct someone, I always get the same response.[/pullquote] “You’ll have to forgive me.” “You have to understand how hard it is.” “It will take some time for me to adjust.” “This is new to me.” “You can’t blame me.” “They’re old; they don’t understand.” I know how hard it is. I am patient. I have no other choice than to be patient. I hate it. I did not change my pronouns because I thought it would be fun or easy. I have not put up with over two years of this because I thought it was fun or trendy or whatever people say to try to invalidate me and those like me. Honestly, my stomach is turning from the thought of people reading this and seeing the impact of a small mistake, but someone needs to say it. Trust me, every time you misgender a trans person and they say it’s alright and/or don’t correct you does not mean it’s all right. We excuse it because we don’t want to hurt the other person but in turn, we hurt ourselves more. What other choice is there than to say it’s okay? It’s a habit on both sides, the misgendering and forgiving and that needs to change!
An original version of this post appeared on Great School Voices.

Ash Whipple

Ash Whipple is a senior at Oakland Technical High School and is part of the computer academy as well as a leader of the robotics team. As a student and a leader, Ash feels that it is their responsibility to clear a path to a better future for others like them. Ash is transgender, and pronouns are they/them.

The Feed

Explainers

  • What's an IEP and How to Ensure Your Child's Needs Are Met?

    Ed Post Staff

    If you have a child with disabilities, you’re not alone: According to the latest data, over 7 million American schoolchildren — 14% of all students ages 3-21 — are classified as eligible for special...

  • Seeking Justice for Black and Brown Children? Focus on the Social Determinants of Health

    Laura Waters

    The fight for educational equity has never been just about schools. The real North Star for this work is providing opportunities for each child to thrive into adulthood. This means that our advocacy...

  • Why Math Identity Matters

    Lane Wright

    The story you tell yourself about your own math ability tends to become true. This isn’t some Oprah aphorism about attracting what you want from the universe. Well, I guess it kind of is, but...